Being a good listener doesn't come naturally to everyone and for many people it's something that they have to improve. In fact, a research shows that the average person only listens and retains with roughly 25% efficiency (Holmes, 2015). As the Greek philosopher Epictetus once said "We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak". The problem for most people is that they are so focused with the mechanics of listening such as nodding and maintaining eye contact that they stop paying attention to what the person is actually saying which leaves them with a complacent look on their face. So the question becomes "How do I fix this?" or "What can I do better?". Hopefully this blog can help answer these questions and provide you become a good listener.

The first and most important part to active listening is body language. This may be obvious but for some it is something they struggle with. To begin point your body towards the person talking which shows them that they have your undivided attention. Next is to relax your body. By this I mean to unfold your arms, don't fidget with your hands and definitely don't tap your foot. When people do this it can imply that your either bored, don't care or in a hurry to listen to everything the other person is saying. The final piece of advice to improve your body language is to lean forward or get a little closer to the person to show enthusiasm or interest to what they have to say (Storkey, 2011). These few gestures are a key factor to help create a rapport or sense of comfort with the speaker. Creating a rapport with someone will not only help you with your listening but will encourage their speaking as well. Someone who is comfortable or at ease will be able to speak more clearly which helps them to convey what they wanted.

The next piece of advice is a solution to a growing problem in our society and is something that can derail a conversation in its entirety. I'm talking about cell phones and other distractions. There is nothing worse for a speaker than when they are in the middle of a sentence and someone’s phone starts to ring, vibrate or both. It is such a distraction that it can leave the speaker with forgetting where they were or throw them of their thought process completely. The fix is quite simple but something people always forget to do. Before the speaker even starts talking switch your phone to silent and put it in your pocket. In fact, you should try to be conscious of anything that might distract the speaker such as shuffling papers, checking your watch, look out the window, etc. If someone needs to speak to you, and you are in the busy at the moment, ask them to wait till you are done or stop what you're doing (Listening Skills, 2011). Multi-tasking by nature, doesn't allow for an effective listening process.

Mirroring is the next piece of advice that can help you develop your communication skills. Despite its name don't try to copy the other person exactly, instead try to reflect their tone of voice and gestures. When you respond try to repeat them or paraphrase to show that you were listening (Davenport, 2015). Repeating or paraphrasing not only helps to show the other person that you are listening but helps you to remember and understand their ideas and thought process. The reason behind this is that when you paraphrase you take in the information given and process it. If you let the information sit in your mind and you don't do anything with it then you won’t retain it.

The last tip to improve your listening skills is to ask open-ended questions. The reason you need to ask open-ended questions instead of a simple yes/no response is that you want to encourage them to continue talking freely. Asking people yes/no questions won't result in a constructive conversation as they won’t be able to talk about what they want. Other questions to avoid asking are "why" questions such as "why do you think it is a good idea?". These questions will more often than not result in the other person having to become defensive or feel the need to justify their reasoning (Breazeale, 2011). Don't feel the need to start talking the moment they stop. Take some time to think out thought provoking questions instead of asking whatever comes to mind. It will benefit the both the speaker and you the listener in the long run.